10/11/11

As I sob into my water colors.


I will start off this post with something perfect. THE MOST perfect. I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS PHOTO HAPPENING THAT'S HOW PERFECT IT IS. This moment was so good it made me black out, have an orgasm(yeah AFTER I blacked out) and when I woke up the next morning on the kitchen floor I found kitten hairs on my lips and I smelled of musky rose perfume. My arm doesn't even look that fat. Seriously how did that happen? Sure I wanna punch my hair and I look like I'm pooping, but that doesn't matter. I'm being positive right now. This is cute. 

Moving on. Life post wedding has been mostly the same. Russell and I still pretend fight at Costco. I still put off doing the laundry until neither of us have panties. I'm still pissed at our white couch. I did not magically get clever and figure out exactly how to deal with my emotions or how to be charming at parties.

I am no longer a lady who does not cry. I cry at everything now. ALL OF IT. Not but really I'm fine. I have only turned into the most sensitive person in the universe. Situations have not been ideal lately and I am not handling them terrible well. Sorry. This is me not being that positive, but being apologetic about it.

THINGS THAT HAVE IMPROVED WITH MARRIAGE:
1. Russell lets me pick at the skin on his feet (BEST CASE SCENARIO FOR ME BECAUSE I AM WEIRD AND DISGUSTING).
2. Russell will poop while i'm getting ready for work in the bathroom because he knows I can't leave him for doing so (this is not an improvement for me I swear).
3. I can ask Russell politely to have his *Magic The Gathering* nights in the dining room so I can eavesdrop from the hall because that shii is hilarious  have some quiet time in the living room.
4. Russell has decided that he wants to bake bread all the time. This is directly related to the decrease in holly ass improvement 2011 because as proven by last Sunday, I will eat an entire loaf of bread if nobody tells me no.
5. Russell has to eat what I cook because we're on a "budget." Baked pears with OLIVES EVERYWHERE SUCKAAAAAAA>EAT THE OLIVES EAT THEM WAHAHAHAHABA HA!
6. I never have to vacuum again. Ever. That is men's work.
7. Post marriage has made me nesty. I would have started nesting sooner if someone had told me it could involve spending LOTS of money and streamers. 

4 comments:

Lauren said...

That might be the most cute I have ever seen in one picture.

Also, I love your streamers.

Also, are you aware that you mentioned poop twice in one post? THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE HAS TRULY DONE TO YOU. (It's cool, though.)

I'm excited to paint with you on Saturday.

Holly said...

POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOP POOOOOOOOOOOP!!

Allison J Brown said...

I love your list :) and that picture is very darling. Debbie Downer here... but that cute kitty ran away. Why in the world!

Holly said...

The DEBBIE DOWNERIST, ALLISON